Tonight I Wanna Cry
by desraewilson
Summary: Based on events that happen after IWRY, Buffy and Angel are given the choice to move on with their lives that either include one fully another or don't at all. They just have to decide if they are truly stronger together or apart. What will Angel do when he realizes Buffy never forgot and that she's hiding more than just the fact that she remembers? Read & Review please.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel or any of the characters mentioned in either cannon.

**Author's Note:** I apologize that it's so short. The idea just would not leave me alone and I figured I'd give my readers a little fluff because I tend to torture them with a lot of sadness in my stories. The story is based loosely on IWRY. Kind of ironic that it's titled, Tonight I Wanna Cry / TWIC. Everything that happens after the episode is quite different. This is MY take on what happens because we all know … otherwise they just won't get that happy ending they deserve. Let me know if you want it continued. ;) Oh! & the song in the story is Tonight I Wanna Cry by Keith Urban. It's not my song. (: I do love it though. Enjoy. There will be a lot of fluff later, I promise!

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**Chapter One**

_Alone in this house again tonight  
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine_

Emerald eyes closed as tears slipped beneath long lashes. She hadn't allowed herself to cry in quite some time. The sky darkened as the stars twinkled brilliantly above her. Everything was right in the world, just not in hers. There was no way to keep life from continuing on with or without her. The weather wasn't going to change to match her mood nor would the world come to a stop to make sure she could take the time to gather herself back together. No, she was meant to be alone, destined.

She had to be strong.

Head falling against the glass, Buffy breathed, "Then why do I feel so weak?"

_**Together, you are strong.**_

Pushing away the memory, shakily, Buffy turned to the television. It had been muted because her thoughts had drowned it out anyway. Leaning down, she picked up the glass of wine and took a sip, taking a moment to savor the rich flavor.

He had taken nearly everything from her, but what he left behind was beyond even his control.

Why had he given it up? Was she not enough?

Unanswered questions had taunted her since the day she had walked out of his Los Angeles office. He had given it up, had given her up.

_**I'll never forget.**_

And she hadn't.

Walking out of his office, Buffy stuck with their plan of keeping her distance until a lot of time had passed so they could forget.

The problem was that she did not forget their day together nor could she face him or any part of her life that he had ever played a role in. She had asked him just that … how would she able to go on with her life knowing what they could have had. She couldn't.

In Los Angeles, opportunities were available. It made it easy to disappear. Emptying out her bank account, Buffy had managed to set up her new life quite easily.

Setting down the glass of wine, Buffy shivered at the coldness she had displayed… the desperation. Standing in the alley, Buffy found that she could not afford to leave any witnesses behind that could tell anyone of her departure and she needed her money to survive. Once she accepted the documents that provided her with everything she needed to live life under her new name, Buffy had killed the demon instead of paying him. It was the only way.

Leaving everything behind in Sunnydale, Buffy only took what she had brought to Los Angeles as she boarded the plane from Los Angeles with only one destination in mind.

And here she stood, nearly three years later.

_There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me  
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me  
I'll never get over you walkin' away_

Turning off the lights and the television, Buffy set her empty glass in the sink. "I'll wash it tomorrow."

Journeying throughout the house, Buffy remembered coming to it, scared and alone, not knowing what life would hold for her. She had turned her back on everyone, her calling, but she just could not pretend anymore. Some things were more important, no… someone was.

Walking up the stairs, Buffy slid her hand along the railing and wondered when exactly had the home been bought and for what reason. Unless she called him, she'd never know.

Laughing bitterly to herself, Buffy blinked away the tears forming in her eyes. "Guess I'll never know."

Pushing open the bedroom door, Buffy was careful to be quiet. She did not want to wake him. It had taken forever to get him to sleep. Sliding her hand down his back in a soothing motion, Buffy felt the tears fall once more.

"Mommy's sorry sweetie." Leaning down, Buffy pressed a kiss to the flushed cheek of her son. At two years old, he already looked so much like his father… same dark hair, same chocolate eyes, and the same lopsided smile. Her fingers combed through his hair as she watched him sleep. Even in his sleep, he looked so much like Angel. They shared intensity that Buffy would have never thought a two year old could have.

"My little Angel." Blinking away the tears, Buffy pulled her hand away, leaving the room to enter her own.

Every day she imagined what it would be like for Liam to meet his father. Would he be angry at her for hiding their son from him? Would he understand why?

Climbing into the bed, Buffy slipped beneath the covers, sighing softly in the dark. Sometimes she questioned her own logic. If she wanted to forget her old life, why had she moved to the one place that would force her to remember it?

As Elizabeth O'Rourke, it made sense. Galway, Ireland was the best place to blend in. She and Liam were allowed to live their lives in the open, never hiding from anyone or anything. Free from slaying, free from the heartache and disappointment of her life as Buffy Summers.

No, she didn't want to forget. She wanted to move on.

Her only problem was living in Angel's home, raising their son, and pretending to be his wife wasn't necessarily moving on. Well, it wasn't a sane person's way of moving on.

Curling to the pillow, Buffy pulled the covers over her head, knowing she had to get some kind of sleep before her son could wake up. He had always been one to rise with the sun. The irony did not miss her at all. Wiping at her cheeks, Buffy did her best not to cry. She had to be strong.

_I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control_

Exhaling, Buffy felt the tears well up despite the weakened attempt to strong. Some nights were easier than others, but the closer it got to the date, the harder it was to be strong.

_But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain  
From my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry_

Blaming it on the wine in her system, Buffy allowed herself a night of weakness. In two weeks, it'd be the day Angel turned his back on her, his humanity, and their son. In two weeks, she'd tell herself to be strong, that Angel never finding them meant he just didn't want to. Clearly he had moved on and he'd never come looking for them. They were safe to live a life without him.

Lower lip quivering and the tell-tale signs of tears welling in her eyes, Buffy's body began to wrack with her sobs. No, she didn't want him to come. She didn't want him to be able to sense where she was. Who she was kidding? Every day she pictured him walking in the front door, a forgiving look on his face and love in his eyes, before he took her into his arms and vowed to let her walk away again.

Clutching the pillow a little tighter, she sobbed until finally someone had a heart and allowed her to fall into a sleep where her reality fell away and dreams were to be had.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel or any of the characters mentioned in either cannon. The lyrics posted in the chapters will be from AWOLNATION - Sail. They're not mine either.

**Author's Note:** A lot has happened to me personally that killed the urge to write, but I'm trying to get back into it. I'm sorry for the wait and the length.

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**Chapter Two**

Walking to her, the only sounds in the darkened room was the rain falling on the tin roof and the quiet breathing that escaped her lips as he slowly made his way to her. Reaching out to touch her with shaking hands, a frown appeared on his lips because the soft feeling of her skin was deprived of him by the crisp sheets wrapped around her body. Lightning flashed through the sky and reflected in his chocolate eyes as the thunder from outside echoed throughout the room.

The window behind him showed the storm raging outside, the trees bent to whisper secrets to the earth that was being washed away by the rain. The screen door opened and slammed; one slam from snapping as the wind howled its commands. Turning his attention away from the young blonde, he crossed the room to close the curtains, hiding them both from everything outside of the room. The creak of the iron echoed throughout the room as he took a seat on the bed. Pulling off his steel-toe boots, he placed them neatly beside the iron bed. He didn't need the curtains open to know that it was raining, to know that a storm was not only raging inside of them, but outside as well. He could smell the earthy scent, hearing the orchestra of howling wind, thunder rumbling, and the rain pounding on every surface.

Peeling the drenched clothing from his body, Angel slid beneath the covers and wrapped his body around Buffy's. The heat of her skin immediately warmed hers as he snuggled closer to her, burying his face into her hair and breathing in the familiar scent of vanilla.

"Don't." The quiet whisper startled Angel, but he listened although he was not sure what he was not supposed to do. Don't what? Don't breathe in her sweet scent? Don't love her?

He laid still, not saying a word and not making any movement. The sirens were going off, warning the town to take shelter from the storm but all he wanted to do was to take shelter inside of her, to ride out the storm.

The movement of Buffy turning to face him had Angel pulling his face upward and out of her hair. It was like she had taken a step toward him. Buffy didn't break eye contact with him until she lifted her hand to Angel's face, sliding it over his features like a blind woman trying to see. His eyes closed as her touch calmed the storm within him until her other hand joined the other in a journey down his body. He opened his eyes to find and feel her pushing him back toward the center of the iron bed.

Stopping her movements, Angel watched as Buffy took a couple of careful, mental steps backward. She was scared he'd fade away if she made another mistake, if she was dreaming and woke up. Rolling them until Buffy's body fell backward onto the bed, Angel found her looking up at him. She tried not to question but Angel knew her well enough. He paused to look into her eyes and see the questions she couldn't hide. Choosing now to answer them verbally, Angel's hands slid to Buffy's gown, the silk material sliding over her skin easily. He had seen women before, had experienced the young woman she had been, but he had lost me before you could really touch her, love her. They were too young in love then, adolescent in their love.

As Angel hovered above Buffy, like a man standing before a woman, the storm only grew stronger outside, more intense with them. Having been deprived of one another, a sense of completion when their lips met in the sweetest kiss. It was like experiencing the calm before the storm. She couldn't fathom what was happening until he took shelter inside of her, arms wrapped around one another, protecting one another from the storm.

The angels wept for the aftermath, disaster and debris; memories of a life they had before. The sentence they were given … to live in hell, exist without the other, to touch once and never be able to have again. It had been served. They had served. The champions had endured the storm and it was their own blood, their tears that had washed away the sins and brought them to their peak.


End file.
